Argh! I am trapped in this apartment with my roommate, his girlfriend, and Janet Jackson's breast.

I still cannot bring myself to call it anything besides a breast. Though I suppose a breast exposed on TV in a juvenile stunt becomes a "boobie."

I find it astonishing the extent to which the nation can't seem to get enough of J.J.'s mammary as a subject. In most other countries, breasts are commonplace on television.

This could be due to the fact that there are more breasts in Europe. It's true, Prestidigitator V. Ombudsman says so, there are more breasts and they are all waiting for me, or you. It's just a jungle of breasts, pyramid schemes, prescription medication and auspicious astrological forecasts over there.

But alas I am stuck in here with the roomies, and Janet, and my stomach which is making a noise somehwere between a cicada and a commerical washing machine.