Leave Barbie Alone

For some reason, I always seem to wind up rooming with guys who like to do things to Barbie dolls. Last night I came home and found occupying the kitchen shelf a Pabst Blue Ribbon can to which had been affixed a pair of Barbie doll legs and arms. Fortunately there is no chance that anyone else will come in my apartment until I can discuss with my roommate the notion that this newest piece of apartment be relocated to the privacy of his own room where he and his girlfriend can exclusively enjoy Pabst Barbie.

My previous apartment was home to Punk Barbie who had been constructed with duct tape, black magic markers and I think some kind of glue. Admittedly Punk Barbie was a little less disturbing than Pabst Barbie. But I believe Punk Barbie had to go away when one of us actually began seeing someone, I think. Though honestly, I don't know what has become of Punk Barbie.

For the record, I've never done anything to Barbie.

Poor Barbie, violated by hipsters, hated by feminists, quite obviously Ken's beard...

If I stick up for Barbie does that make me a meathead?

Hey you, leave Barbie alone!

I'm sorry that had to happen to you. Don't cry. Here, let me buy you a drink...